December Holidays

Hooray! Is time for holiday..sound like very happy. But that is not my happy holiday. During this holiday, i have to do my dissertation homework. What i am doing now, i am not very sure is right or wrong, i just do it. I dont care anymore,because time flies very fast, i cant return back. There was no time for me to do that.

Holiday means that my hostel is empty, there was noone around,everyone went back to enjoy their holiday already. Just leave me. I am so scared. So i have to go to be house. I really dont like. One thing is tiring, because everyday i have to drive a long journey from BM to penang, from penang to BM,somemore traffic jam. SHIT!

I had already stayed his house for one week. Monday to Friday, i wont feel so bored. But right now is saturday and coming sunday, i have to stay at house, sit down in front of laptop, then do nothing. I have to wait untill he come back from work, then only i can go out. It's damn boring ,u know?But he never understood, when he came back already tired, then sleep early,leave me again. I dont know how to describe that feeling. Is not angry..I cant find a word to describe it.

Long time i did not go for movie,shopping....just stay at house, at night go to yam cha with his friends. Going out yam cha? Sound like okay,but i also just sit there, i hear what they said. I think next week i will going back my own hostel, although i am alone,but is more freedom for me.

Maybe we altogether already 1 and a half year, so there was nomore surprising and hapiness. Just a normal!

Now, i just like find no way for me to exit. I am losed and stoped there.

好无头绪+茫然

现在的我已经是在硕士学位了，对于这个学位，我真的不知争扎了多久，我考虑了很久才做决定的。之前烦经济上的问题，现在解决了，又烦读书的时候了。我真的不知自己在做些什么，突然觉得，我什么都没有，脑袋是空的，一些知识也没有。

对于这次的考试，我真的不知自己在考什么东西，我只背背背，读读读。。突然觉得这样的生活好讨厌，可是身边的朋友就会告诉我，考试是这样的啦！哎。。讨厌！还有一个星期就要考完了，心想还可以放假一个月，可是呢，放假就等于没有假，因为我已经被安排放假要做功课。又要去访问，又要做小丑那样，跑来跑去了。又还要去做实验。。一个女生要去那么大范围做事，突然觉得很恐怖，又是一个人。

最近，有个“伊拉克”的同学对我还蛮好的. 有一次在图书馆,刚好遇见他,他其实是在做功课的,但是他看到我,就会问你要找什么?需要帮忙吗?我说没什么,不知为什么这几本书都找不到的,结果他就放下他的功课,帮我找了很久,还让他敲到自己, 真不好意思. 我明明都说不用了啊! 但是还是要谢谢他的一番好意啦!

还没考试之前,他会传简讯问我,温习功课到怎样了啊? 还有每一次考完试，我也都会收到他的简讯.

他都会问"考试考的怎么样啊？一定要老实告诉我哦."

现在已经考完了两科,可是我都不是很会作答,所以就和他说考的不是很好咯!

他就会说些鼓励的话,说什么没关系啦,不要想那么多啦!下次要加油哦!..之类的话..哈哈!还蛮感动的!但是我们是不同宗教信仰的,在加上我对回教人一点好印象也没有.所以才让我没想那么多无谓的事.年纪也不小了,在这方面也有不同的想法.

不被动摇的理由还是因为be ,还是be比他早问,哈哈,现在还没有人可以代替be在我心中的位子.他对我太好了,让我没去想那么多. Love you!我会加油的,好好的对自己!

回家记

这一次回subang，这个路程都是我负责驾车。爸妈也老了，没什么能驾，所以就由我来驾,妈在旁边做军师.这次回是刚好遇到印度人新年,四姐也回,所以就回去小小的聚会. 这一次回,大家都没去shopping,反而只待在家而已. 还好啦,不会很闷,在家一直吃喝,谈天咯!也没什么特别啦!

很快的,三天就过去了,我和爸就驾车回,四姐就搭早上的巴士回,二姐也回了.妈妈就没跟回,她要到过年才回来了. 她还吩咐我,接近过年时,和爸去载她回来,想到那路程就有点怕怕. 四个小时的路程耶..和爸又没什么话题,真的会被闷死. 哈哈...

《前度的骚扰》

最近每次半夜都会被无名史的电话而被吵醒。 很讨厌，好不容易才入睡就被吵醒。终于一次我忍无可忍了，我就接了那通电话。天啊！一听，我真的后悔了。。原来是以前的他，他竟然当作喏无其事的和我谈天，那一刻我真的很想挎掉电话。我没讨厌他，而是对他反感了！他说什么，我也只是，哦，哦，哦。。他就说了一个很冷的笑话，他问我知不知道，哦， 是什么吗？我就没答他，他说哦蕃薯啊，他说完就在那儿笑，我笑也笑不出，还好他会做人，说不打扰，就挂了。过后就不断的传简讯给我，我真的觉得他有问题的，突然觉得我真的不认识他了。已经一年多了，我真的不想和他再有什么瓜葛了。我对现在的be很满意，虽然之前有过冷战，可是那时一年多来得第二次而已。我真的希望他不要在浪费时间在我身上了，可是他告诉我，他不会在去找新对象了，我心在想，我已经劝你了，你不找是你的事，我不会因为这样而内疚了。。还是祝福他吧！

*New Life*

I really hope that i have an enjoyable life, the way of joy and happiness around me. Therefore, i went to trim my hair yesterday. Not an impulse for me. I just wanna trim it and make it lighter and make me feel fresh.

Before that, me and him have a cold war. U know how many days to settle down the cold war? Around two and a half days. Its unbelievable for me,because before that it did not happen,this is the serious 1. I hate that feeling. The cold war just ended yesterday. I really really hope it wont happen again anymore forever and ever...cold war keep me away, please! I want a happy life...Cheer Up,babe....i will appreciate it...Thanks God,finally the cold war is ended....

Be patient....

Recently, i meet up a friend at my hostel. Actually both of us also further master study, but then we are in different field so seldom meet up each other.

The first when he saw me,he said: hey saw chia,why u look so old already and u look so tired?
Then i said: really?Ya,maybe because of tired,and always sleep late in night,so i am look old..so sad!

What he said is truth. Sometime i really feel tired. Need to care my study, need to care about him, need to care about my family..so many things to care. Sometime, i am full with my works,but then everyweek still need to go back his home. Actually i dont like that,why dont him come and find me?I have a lot of blame now.

Yesterday, i came to his house, then at night we go to eat dinner together, after finish eating, on the way back home, he told me tomorrow have an wedding dinner need to attend. I very hate people last minutes only told me, i didt prepare anythings, i didt bring my dress. What can i do?So when i heard that i just keep quiet in the car,before that we talk a lots and laughing. Suddenly,everything changed.But is not my fault. He said he forgot to inform me then i said ok and keep quiet there.

When reached home, he asked me izit angry? I said NO. Then he said really?What the hell of him?Then he just straight forward to his computer and do his things. Ok,fine,since not my fault, i wont say sorry. The problems is he just say forgot to inform me, he didt say sorry to me.

Early in the morning, before he went to work,he will give me a good bye kiss and hug hug. But today.....nothing from him. Fine,i dont care anymore. I also dont know later how i gonna attend that wedding dinner...Why everything have to listen to him?

I dont like my lifestyle now. I want something enjoy, relaxing...i need a rest and stop pit.

我的心好累，好累，好累哦！

不懂我又怎么了，觉得自己好像倒回去从前一样，那么的自闭（不爱说话了）。。。
我真的很讨厌这样的自己，我很想开朗，很想健谈，很想开心得生活！
可是为什么我会为了一些小事而不爽，会发脾气，会静静不说话呢？

最近被堆积如山的功课烦死了，真的太多了！而且都不知从何下手。对我来说是适应不来的。我真的很想有个可以听我诉诉苦的朋友，然后为我分解，为我分析，为我分担！我很怕晚上那段时间，自己一个人在房间，对着那张床，翻来翻去，无论怎样都睡不好。已经很多天都睡不好了，所以脾气会有点爆燥。

有时自己会无端端的坐在那儿，哭了出来！我自己也搞不懂自己要什么！我觉得be不在是我的倾诉对象了，可能be做工也累了，所以也不会多说了！我也不想烦他了，最近be打来，我也只是说，"嗯，哦，是啊。。"然后就关电话了. 我也不去想这么多了,也许他也没什么吧!

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊...........